i want a sliver of time from this toxic land

to feel like i’m a flower in a world of buds.

— is the answer in your eyes? // Samantha T.

hello everyone!

it’s been such a long time since i was last here. i often disappeared from tumblr and never really mentioned why because i wasn’t sure of the reason myself. i started this blog when i was either 13 or 14 years old. i wrote because i had so many new emotions that i didn’t know about and needed a place to vent. after a while, i felt like i was running out of words to say. i think that’s partially because i was getting to know myself better and come to terms with not only my past self, but my present self too. i still felt pain, but i stopped feeling the need to transform them into words. so i stopped writing. along this tumblr adventure, i made so many friends and had so many wonderful supporters, but i abandoned it for reasons i know not. i think i felt a bit discouraged at some point. there are so many talented and amazing writers here who are able to post daily and keep up with it all. even looking outside of the tumblr community, i see a ton of amazing people who are able to accomplish so much. in hindsight, it’s never good to compare yourself with others, but it’s so hard not to. the pieces i wrote were lacking, they were rushed and emotionless and stressful to write. so i just stopped. i stopped posting, i stopped writing.

i don’t know if anyone is even still here, but i’d like to try posting every now and then. i want to still write and be able to share it with others. i hope you guys will still have me

no matter what i say or do, i’ll always just be a caged bird. i long to fly around the world; to have the tip of my wings graze each and every ocean; to have my feet hop through every desert and every mountain. i want to sing my songs of freedom and love, letting it echo throughout the day and night. i want to live all my days adventuring all i can, letting the wind be my guide. perhaps they would remember me as the one who let her heart soar, wouldn’t that be lovely? the sky is supposed to be the limit, but it seems that for me, these chains will forever be all that i know.

— caged bird // Samantha T.

i beg of you to not speak.

don’t speak to me in that charming way.

i’m too scared of falling for you,

too afraid of being hurt.

i loved enough to know

that it never ends well.

i’m not saying i never want

to experience love ever again,

to never be held and looked at

the way you do to me,

my heart is just not ready

to be torn apart again,

it’s still recovering from the last time.

— Fears can kill #18 // Samantha T.

my heart does not belong to you, nor does it belong to any other person. all you ever did was carve out my skin until you had my naked heart in your hands. i asked you why you wanted it, and you said you merely wanted to protect it. but naturally, it was a blatant lie. you held my heart and gently kissed it. you told it what it wated to hear, things that made it melt like an ice cube on a hot, summer day. i thought it was all for the sake of proving that i was not just some random nobody, that i was truly a somebody for once. my heart than began to beat, not to keep me alive, but to prove to you that it was yours to keep. it kept leaping to you, for you, so much that your name might as well have been incised on it. once you knew that it was your true and loyal slave, you finally told it the truth. i wish i could say that my heart was sorry for being so enchanted, but your name is still there

branded forevermore.

– who does my heart belong to then? // Samantha T.

“there’s something that’s drawing me to you. i think about you way too much and i wish i knew why. i’ll dream about you day and night not knowing what it means. do i miss you? do i love you? but these are just more questions that will never have an answer. if i told myself a year ago that i wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about you, i’d laugh hysterically. honestly, a year ago, you wouldn’t have even crossed my mind. you were somebody in my past who had once meant so much to me, but time pressed on and we forgot each other. out of the blue, i started to think about you more and more… here i am today feeling these odd emotions. it’s funny because we don’t talk at all, nor do we ever see each other. is this the extent of the human mind? to dream day and night about somebody who exists, but not in my own world anymore?”

— Letters you’ll never receive #8 // Samantha T.

trust me, darling,
you’re safe in my arms
so let me look at your bare heart,
and let me see you when 
you’re vulnerable and fragile
to the point where one sound, one word, one whisper
can break you apart.
let me prove to you
that my worlds hold truth
when i say that i love you
and that i’ll protect you 
with all that i have.

- lies he told me // Samantha T.